Alone.

the concept of the word 'alone' is a funny thing. The definition of the word is so vague and can be used in so many connotations that at some point, the feeling behind the word is lost.

However, I can assure you that today I truly do feel the emotion behind the word 'alone.'

I could have also titled this post "i told you so" because in today's instance, my parents were spot on.

I've been lectured during every phone call to either parent throughout the last few weeks. One of the things that both parents repeatedly made a point of mentioning was the idea that I should make sure that I was physically and mentally stable before going out and pursuing extraneous activities such as a part-time job or internship.

Following along the same course of action I have developed over the last 24 years, I completely ignored my parents and decided that with the conclusion of my movie class, I should get a part-time job so I wouldn't just sit and dwell on everything wrong in my life.

Go figure, I actually manage to get a job. I do have the innate ability to interview well despite whatever turmoil is occuring in my life.

But today, for the first time, I really sat and thought about the weeks ahead, with at least four before I finally get to try a stomach medication again. And I thought about what my parents had repeatedly told me. And i recognized that the feeling of dread I had when arriving at work was not the attitude with which I wanted to start a job.

So, I quit. Well, less 'quit' and more so 'hired at a later date,' provided that I have stabilized in terms of my health. And I cried about it, but do realize it's probably the best decision for me in terms of attempting to get a career job in the future, I don't need anything negative in terms of job history.

However, with that feeling came the loneliness. I have let my medications get the best of me again, and pissed off the boyfriend to the point where I think he's done in terms of 'us'.

I have no friends here, all of my college friends actually graduated on time and are out and about living their adult lives. My parents are understandably tired of my crap and repeated whining as well.

Today I can truly evoke the feeling of being all alone.