Waiting.

I've noticed that as of late, particularly with my lack of social life, that the majority of what I do on a daily basis is wait.

I wait for a dazzling array of possibilities to occur. I wait for small tasks to finish, to create progress in whatever I am doing. (in terms of messing around on my mac). I wait for mail to tell me good news. I wait for the BF to come home so I don't feel so lonely.

But mostly I wait for October 8th, which is hopefully when I will begin my new regime of pro-kinetic meds for my stomach. Due to my atrocious reaction with reglan the first time I took it, a few weeks ago (it made me severely depressed, then pass out. However, I did notice that when i puked, the food was slightly more digested. Plus?

It's a sad thing, this waiting game I play, and it isn't by any means fun. Waiting on answers that I have no control over and that detrimentally could affect my life is one of the most frustrating impasses I have ever reached.

The control freak aspect of it is the worst, of course. I've had undiagnosed anxiety and issues with control since my tween days, and the build-up of my anxiety over the years does not help in terms of being patient.

I have always been the type of person who is the first to go out and make sure something is done. I pride myself on that. However, I am now at a point in my life where most of my control over myself, my body, has been taken away from me, and I am left to wait.

So, unfortunately, today is just like any other day, and i will wait for the decisions made by others that will change my life for the better.

I will wait.

But, I never said I would be patient. And my impatience is the only control I have left, so I will maintain it.

On a sidenote-I found this website, Pura Vida Bracelets. They have a Gastroparesis Awareness Bracelet, which you can see below:



It's adorable, I already bought one. And the best part is, the company donates $1 to GP awareness fund. As GP is one of the most under-researched conditions in the history of the world (in my personal opinion), this is an amazing way to spread awareness of this illness.

and so, I will wait for my bracelet too. But with a smile.