Sunday, September 30, 2012


Distractions are your best friends, in terms of gastroparesis. Distractions, good ones, keep you from focusing on feeling so nauseated, depressed, and energy-deprived. Distractions numb you from the world, keep your entire mind occupied, and is simply a state of bliss for those of us that suffer from 24/7 flu-like symptoms.

My biggest distraction of late has been this blog, in all honesty. I have put in a good amount of man power messing around with the layout, the posts, etc. I can tell I've been spending too much time distracted by it and its associated programs (I use GIMP, a photoshop knockoff that works pretty fabulously)because I've reverted to wearing my glasses every night. Clearly, I've spent far too many hours in front of a computer screen.

And in personal terms, the hours of distraction that this blog has given me has motivated me, given me something to progress towards. It's a nice change from tiring, monotonous days of watching Jersey Shore/Kardashian reruns.

However, the problem with distractions is sometimes, they are too good. They keep you out of touch with the daily happenings of life, and aid in procrastination of necessary chores.

For example, I've blown off the pet store today to change the bunny's cage because I was too busy trying to add something to the blog. I should also be relearning calculus, as I will be in a differential equations class soon and I absolutely suck at math. Not kidding, I literally failed and retook both previous parts of the calculus series at UCSB. And I lived in Math Lab, my personal math aid mecca.

The point is, I've become a little too distracted and let myself fall out of place with reality. I need to begin focusing on future goals, and learn to focus more on the present. I've definitely tuned the boyfriend out accidentally a few times today, just because I was so busy working on the blog, which in retrospect, I feel terrible for doing so. He's my now, and I'm ignoring him for a computer. I've vowed to change that.

It's hard to give up such a good distraction though. It really is. Boredom tends to lead to a focus on all the things going on with me that are wrong, and focusing on your illness always makes you feel worse, symptom-wise. It's such a thrill to sit for hours and feel absolutely nothing. That, compared to a constant state of nausea throughout the day, is the best feeling in the world.

However, I need to learn to balance my distractions with my life. In all honesty, I feel guilty for slipping out of real life this weekend and focusing on nothing but the website. I need to learn that I can exist with the nausea, and can do other things, like chat with the boyfriend, clean, or take a small walk, that will both distract me and keep me in touch with my non-virtual life.

I feel optimistic that I can make these changes, considering my appointment with my GI doctor is next week. Knowing that I'm this close to my life hopefully changing for the better is both terrifying and exhilarating.

So, to hell with obsessive distractions. I will learn to balance, and deal with my GP.

Or I'll try my damnedest to become obsessed with Calculus. Either or, it's a win.

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