Monday, September 24, 2012

The Building of Frustration: A Case Study

It simply amazes me how the meds I'm on affect my mood. With all the mood swinging I still have to endure until the drugs in my body decide to harmonize, I feel like I'm simultaneously PMS-ing and going through menopause. This isn't fair. Although I feel as if the hot flashes are due more to a lack of ventilation in my apartment than the neurons in my body running awry.

Case in point. I woke up fairly early this morning, like I have been for the past week. I haven't been sleeping that great, waking up 2-3x a night and watching P-90X informercials until my body graciously grants me sleep again.

In addition, I have now apparently become the lightest sleeper in the country. I don't know how this shift occurred, because I used to possess the innate ability to be literally dead to the world until my body thought it was ready for the next day. Usually, this was around 12 or so hours of mostly uninterrupted bliss. (My mother seemed to be the only element against this plan).

So, needless to say, I am not a morning person as of late. I tend to get really frustrated, especially if the boyfriend is still sleeping and I feel bad for doing things like flushing the toilet (NOW WORKING BY THE WAY, THANKS BF + UNCONVENTIONAL CLEARING METHODS) and making coffee, because I have assured myself that I will always wake him up doing so, even though he DOES possess my former sleeping abilities.

However, it seems like the abilify I'm on does help in the morning. Abilify, a cigarette and coffee together tend to make my mornings pretty happy-go-lucky as of late. Granted I am supposed to be re-teaching myself calculus right now but as calculus tends to make me cry and/or throw things, I don't think it's in my best interest to be attacking a task that fucks with my neurons anymore than the present.

Not this morning. This morning, I woke up queasy, 7-11 ran out of pumpkin spice creamer, and I've been messing around with this pinterest gadget on my page for a good 4 or so hours. And am still queasy despite all of the anti-nausea meds I'm on. For some reason, today, my body just decided that it didn't want today to happen. And its punishing me for living through it.

I can tell you right now, the trip to the grocery store seems incredibly difficult. The appeal of doing absolutely nothing besides rewatching Sex and the City reruns all day far exceeds any sort of productivity.

Add that feeling to my general irritation of the day and predictably, I'm going to curl in a ball with my baby blanket and glare at the BF's food as if it is responsible for how i feel.

Here's to (perhaps!) no puking (or just no eating) tonight!

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