Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Support Systems.

Support systems are a funny thing. Whenever I think about a support system, I tend to visualize a person or a group whose purpose is to provide "support" to another person, one with some kind of physical or mental or financial deficit who can rely on said support system to hold them up through whatever crises that person is experiencing.

It's interesting though, because the definition of "support" is vague and cloudy, and definitely changes on a person-to-person basis. For example, one person with GP may want someone there to hold their hair back when they puke, but another may simply want someone to say 'it's ok,' hand them a rag, and rub their back.

The point is, it's difficult to find a support system in terms of being someone who needs one, because in order to have one you have to define what kind of support you actually want.

Which I consider personally to be the most difficult aspect of what I want from a support system, because my needs tend to vary on a day by day basis depending on how much food I kept down last night, how much sleep I got, etc. I feel bad for the BF and the parents sometimes....I can be fairly high maintenance when it comes to what I want from the people who are close to me.

When it comes to my friends, its a difficult process to support me because of geographical distance. It's hard to be there for someone when you're 300 miles away and can't really do much more than a 'sorry' and 'hope you feel better tomorrow.' However, it is appreciated so, so much on my end because it means that despite the chaos and difficulties in their lives, they're thinking about me and wishing me well. When someone isn't physically present, that's the best you can ask for, just someone to listen to you whine and sympathize.

When it's someone who isn't geographically distant, this is where the definition of a support system becomes more variable. I understand how hard it must be to be around someone who pukes constantly and can't really do much, (I mean shit, today is a particularly bad day, I couldn't even go to my hair appointment because I feel so close to vomiting. However, I've definitely noticed a correlation between my mental status and my stomach. Bad head days always lead to bad stomach days. I'm scared to eat tonight) and how frustrating it must be to be stuck around someone who is struggling just to survive.

But this is where the support system is really necessary. Having GP is ridiculously hard and ridiculously debilitating in terms of survival. Throwing up day after day, facing each morning with fear of how the day will play out instead of rejoicing that you're alive for another day...just living and wanting to wake up for the next day is hard when you have GP.

Especially when you have GP and are still waiting to start a treatment that may or may not work. It's incredibly difficult facing these odds every day and still have a desire to fight, to live.

This is where that support system comes in. Because you need someone there to get you going, to tell you that things will get better and you won't always feel this shitty. Because without a support system all you will do is wallow in pity. And perhaps that is part of what a support system is as well.

The point is, it's difficult to have a support system. It's hard to describe what would make you feel better when all of the negative odds in the world are pressing down against you. It's hard to say "oh, a hug will help," but the next day it may not. The feelings you have with GP change on a daily basis, and it's the responsibility of a good support system to understand that and be flexible with how they support you.

Always have someone there for you, because on most days with GP, you can't be there for yourself.

No comments:

Post a Comment